I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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