This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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