She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
