it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
