He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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