worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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