Is it normal to miss your booty call?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
