Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
