she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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