found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
