I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize