Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
