I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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