Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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