I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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