Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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