What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize