he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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