Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
