how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
