Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
