you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
