Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
