I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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