i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
