Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
