who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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