what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
