Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
