you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
