It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
