i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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