My friends, they love my intelligence
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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