this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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