How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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