So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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