did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
