I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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