One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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