did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
