so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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