I heard we made out
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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