You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
