im drinking this country out of the recession.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
