btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I deserve this hangover.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
