you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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