WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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