all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
