i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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