ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Im part way to drunk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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