U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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