And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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