I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize