Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
