I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
