she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
