There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
