Redeem this text for a blowjob
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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