How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
