I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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