Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
