No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize