Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize