seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
