why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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