farters have to be the big spoon...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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