i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
