Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
