Buhtt sex?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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