I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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