Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
