What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
